idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
