Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
