there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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