Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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