She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
