your thong is hanging out like whoa
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
