I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize