I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
