i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Those nachos came to me in a dream
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
