why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
