I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
