eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
