atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
My liver is preforming stress tests.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
