I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Randomize
