He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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