I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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