M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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