That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
