so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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