I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
