And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Damn victory sex feels great
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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