I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
