I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
