..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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