I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
