you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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