i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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