I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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