I puked a lego.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
