That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
