In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
