Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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