i don't want you to think of me as your TA
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
