It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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