it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
