Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
