alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
