i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
