Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
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