I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
