Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I am one with the molecules
Randomize
