The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
