im drinking this country out of the recession.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
i out mim tonsoeep
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
