Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
