i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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