Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
