margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
