Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
