I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
