Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize