Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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