Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Randomize
