At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
