i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
We are all done wearing pants today
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
