Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
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