yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
