If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
