Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
