I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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