I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
