It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Also, beer. Big fan.
Is Oprah even human
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
