I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
