C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
