have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
