You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
