a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
