It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
