Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Quick, to the slutcave!
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize