Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
