Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
