she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
